surviving_mom (surviving_mom) wrote in npd_family,

Narcissistic Mom/Grandmother

I diagnosed my mom with NPD at a ripe old age of 39! Kind of feel stupid that it took me that long to work it out. i just thought she was a difficult person! Then one day I was speaking to a friend who was going through a tough time with her Mom & I told her mine's the same.
To which she replied "..but your mother doesn't have a personality disorder". Bells started ringing & I ran for Google. Afterwards I spoke to a psychiatrist who confirmed NPD & said it sounds pretty bad.
How come I didn't realise before? She is very abusive in writing. She send anyone who has slighted her or she imagines to have abusive 3-5 page letters or emails. She's done it to both husbands, their relatives, doctors, tradesmen, my in-laws and of course to me.
About a year ago it all came to a head (with the birth of our youngest child), when we chose to name our baby against her choice!!! This resulted in another 4 page letter of abuse & I cut off all contact.
My problem is our kids, most of them know she's nuts & she being as selfish as she is has never had much to do with them. Still they want to know why she doesn't come around (she used to come anytime without warning. We've changed locks etc) and why she doesn'r call or send birthday presents to them. She's now trying to manipulate our oldest son who phoned her to say hello before he went away to college (he was hoping for a goodbye present). She's announced to everyone she knows that she will leave him everything in her will & she also has decided what career path he must take. Both are obviously conditional, & what he doesn't realise is that she nevr keeps promises. How do I protect him? I explained NPD to him, but he just laughs & says she can say what she likes as long as she sends him money (she has eventually sent a small amount). I'm scarred for him because she's a witch to put mildly. What can I do?
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