anchovies at aquarium

Research Opportunity. CAREGIVER for someone with a personality disorder?

I have been emailing back and forth with Paige regarding this research. I do not know them personally so use discretion if need be. That said is there anyone who would like to do this?

Are you the caregiver of a loved one with a personality disorder? Research opportunity!

You are invited to participate in a 30-minute online survey!

You are eligible for this study if:
• You are actively involved in supporting your loved one’s recovery and wellbeing.
• Your loved one has been diagnosed with a personality disorder by a mental health care professional.
• You have contact with your loved one at least once a week.
• You have been caregiving for at least a year.

We are not looking for responses from:
• Those diagnosed with a personality disorder.
• Those caring for a loved one with an undiagnosed or self-diagnosed personality disorder.
• Those caring for a loved one with a mental illness that is not a personality disorder.
• Those who have contact with their loved one less than once a week.
• Those who have been caregiving for less than a year.

Participating involves completing online questionnaires about yourself and your experiences with caregiving.

All responses will be kept confidential and secure.

Complete the survey and enter to win one of four $50 CAD gift cards for!

Contact Paige Lamborn for more information at:

This study has received clearance from the University of Windsor Research Ethics Board.
anchovies at aquarium

Key words to tip one off.

I was just remembering "key words". I have a coworker who says "good, fine or okay" when he is checking out. Good to know as he wont remember anything after that.

With the new narcissist in my life (was never around the person so just did not know) the key word is "down to earth" or "humble".

How much fun it is to turn around and find something else to discuss when they say those words (ignore them).

Could be worse. I could be married to that person (can't stay, can't get out).
anchovies at aquarium

Sister learned bad behavior from narcissistic mother.

I want the perfect come back for my narcissistic older sister who is likely a sociopath. I will call her Charlie. She has a sign in her kitchen that says "be nice or leave" yet she is the least nicest person I know. (She never said she had to be nice but I still take issue with its directives.) Being a sociopath she is excellent at spinning things. I want the come back clean, simple and unmistakable.


My narcissist mother likely had a hand in her turning out the way she did so this applies to this forum. : )
anchovies at aquarium

Welcome custoslucis!

Welcome custoslucis!

I am real quiet having recovered from living with Narcissists (mother is one who died over one year ago).....but this is a great place! I hope you get as much from here as I did when I needed it the most.

Need anything? Just message me, or email is even better.

lesleyjon AT
  • krisox

First Xmas as no contact.

I keep checking the posts most days and surprised to see with the Xmas/New Year period there aren't more posts about dysfunctional N families. It's been 3 months since I've gone NC with my NMum and Xmas was odd for me, I think I've been very disassociated and trying to distract myself from the intense feelings I have. Mixed with guilt for being a bad daughter I feel huge loss (as if I'm grieving for someone who has died) and I think it's because it's like she has died - or should I say the "ideal" of her because she was never really want I wanted or needed her to be. I have been obsessed with researching all I can about NPD so that I'm well informed as to why she is the way she is and how it manifests. However, the thing is it still feels very personal that she chose to project all her stuff onto me and scapegoat me yet again (this precipitated the decision re NC). I refer to this in an earlier post in October.

I'm just hoping for some support from the online community that I've done the right thing in going NC. This is because the decision doesn't sit well with me as it's not something I would normally have chosen to do, I felt in the end I was left with no choice. And the guilt rises up...... Unless of course I had completely capitulated to her and lost my own sense of self like for most of my life to date. After almost 5 years of therapy that is no longer and option for me!

I hope everyone had a happy Xmas (or at the least bearable if having to deal with N's) and got to spend time with their families of choice.

Probably should not feel kind of sort of good that this is happening...

The NPD in my world is my husband's sister. We have been together for seven years, married for five, and her games have focused on me for about six of those years.

Suddenly, in the last couple of months, the tables have turned and for the first time in his life, my husband is on the receiving end of her garbage. It is pretty small right now, but I'm sure it will escalate.

Basically, for two months, she has completely ignored him. She has not returned a single phone message or answered a single email from him (yes, email, my adorable husband is card carrying Luddite). The two times we were supposed to see her, she canceled via a third party to avoid actually talking to him.

Last night, we had dinner with their parents. My husband mentioned this behavior to them. My mother-in-law's response:

She has been whining and moaning and at one point turned on tears about how he won't communicate with her and why does he hate her now.

And, in an even better turn of events, mother-in-law closed her comments with this: "god, she pisses me off".

Basically, some other behaviors toward her parents and regarding her personal life, combined with her suddenly playing games with my husband, seem to be the last straw. She has driven all three of them over the edge. For the first time in six years, I am not sitting here listening to her parents and my husband make excuses for her. No more "that's just sister-in-law" and no more "you have to understand that..." and no more believing her BS stories that everything wrong in her life and with her business is because of all the evil people plotting against her. Suddenly, they all have clarity. They have all realized that it is not possible that every single person or company she has ever rented property from (4 sites for her business and 14 residences in 12 years) is insane and incompetent. They have realized that the huge number of men she has dated in the last 20 years cannot all be mentally ill. They have even realized that she is responsible for pretty much everything wrong with her life.

And all this without me ever saying a word. It is like the sun has come out. Not sure it will change anything, but it is a relief to not be privately pounding my head against a wall. 

NPD feels that they validate your life

Nothing in my life is validated unless my mother witnesses me doing something or has proof. It can be as simple as me doing household chores. If she wasn't there watching me vacuum the carpet, mopping the floors and cleaning off the countertops then I have not done anything in her eyes, and I am likely to be a liar. She is like that with anything. She has to validate me in order for anything to be right or truth. When I was taking courses at college, both of my parents, (they both have undiagnosed bpd/npd) accused me of lying about going to class, and said that I wasn't doing anything but running the streets all day. I also remember when Iived on my own, my mother argued that the only time I cleaned was when she came to visit me. I fell into the trap and argued that I cleaned on a regular basis, and kept my apartment quite neat even w/o her supervision, but it couldn't be true because she wasn't able to witness me doing this everyday. Still in her mind, I rarely cleaned and my apartment was always a mess.

Does anyone else experience this with their npd family members?