ava (tisha313) wrote in npd_family,

Trapped

I'm finished with the first semester of nursing. It was an accelerated program (shorter weeks) and I won't go back until Fall.

The cycle has begun again and I knew it was going to happen. Right now, I don't have a car, and I usually work from home because trying to get from to work on time by public transportation is quite a hassle. Sharing my mom's car is going to cause even more drama than necessary

NDad is complaining about me being home all the time in my room. I have no where to go. And he pretty much owns the entire house (we live in a small home) throughout the day, he goes from the basement to the living room, to the den all day. Therefore, the only place I can seek refuge is my room. I do come out to cook, and do a little cleaning but that is about it. However, NDad gets on the phone and lies to my mom, and other relatives that I never leave my room or he makes it seem as if I stay in my room because I'm "crazy" when in reality, I'm in here because there's not much for me to do elsewhere and he nitpicks and instigates arguments at every chance he gets. However, if I take the car to go somewhere he'll lie that I burned up all the gas, even though I replaced the fuel that I burned. He always has a barrage of complaints.

So after Ndad picks my mom up from work, she comes home, goes in my room and provokes arguments and fights with me about how I've been in my room all day. She pretty much backs me into a wall and starts interrogating me about what I've been doing all day long and why don't I leave my room? It's awful. Then she asks me why I don't date. Maybe because I don't have a freakin' car and its hard to meet people?? She does this on a regular basis and then she threatens to kick me out and say that I'll have to finish nursing school in a homeless shelter if I don't straighten up my act. She's really just torturing me because when I moved out two years ago she was practically begging me to stay. But now that she has power, she abuses it by making threats, making it seem as if I am the one with the problem...when in reality, it's them.

She really likes to grill me about my dating history which has been dead for the past few years due to me focusing solely on school. I just am not in the position to really date due to my effed up circumstances, I have way too much baggage to bring to a relationship right now. However, my mother likes to make it seem as if I never dated before in my  life. In my younger years I used to always go out every weekend over the summer, and come home at 3am in the morning. Even had a few guys pick me up to hang out--but she completely omits those years out of her memory for some reason. She denies that I ever truly tried to have fun. If you ask her or my dad, I spent all of my life in my room which just isn't true. I dont really like talking about my dating life with my mother because she's nutty, and has no boundaries....(she'll start asking me about my sex life). She already invades my privacy and knows too much about me as it is, and not sharing my dating history with her is the only thing I have to myself.

Geesh. I don't know what to do. Even when I had a car, it was the same thing. I'd try to go somewhere and be gone all day, like the library, and NMom would call me up on my cellphone and nag me about why I just sit at the library for hours. Or the days that I didn't have to work, they'd complain about the bit of time I spent at home.

The only reason I am putting up with this crap is because I really really want to be a nurse. I met so many supportive people who truly care about me in the nursing program. It's sad that I have strangers that care more about my wellbeing than my own dysfuctional parents.
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