Rosemary (sophy) wrote in npd_family,

Could use some helpful reminders

I'm normally good about my N dad. He hasn't been a part of my life for a long time, now, and I'm generally just fine with that. I can explain in reasonable terms to other family members how I feel and why I've made the decisions I have about him. I can even have brief civil contact with him when necessary without it messing with my head. I've basically forgiven him and am not even pissed at him anymore but still understand with certainty that I can't ever have a relationship with him because the NPD just makes that impossible, even if it's not exactly his fault. It's sad and all, but I can deal.

Well. I'm going through a rough time right now just all around. This is a bad time of year for me every year (some kind of PTSD trigger or something... still not clear on the reasons) and this year has been particularly bad. Physically and emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess.

And one of the ways it's affecting me is every time I'm confronted with daddy issues in a book or TV show or whatever, I start balling my eyes out. The little girl in me gets all "why doesn't my daddy love me?" and even my grownup self starts wondering if maybe some day...

SO. Yes. I could use some helpful reminders from you folks who know what this is all about. Remind me why getting in touch with him would be BAD. Remind me that what I want and need from him will never be things he's capable of giving. Remind me that none of that is my fault or has anything to do with me or me being bad or a bad daughter or whatever. Remind me that I'm strong and safe and just fine without him. Whatever it is that you've learned from your own experiences with your N's (especially if they were your parents)... please share your wisdom.

Keep in mind, these aren't necessarily things I need to be taught about, as I KNOW them back in my head here. I just need a refresher course to help stop those wacky thought processes that are currently getting to me. TIA!!
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