My STBX is a N...I don't have a formal diagnosis but three therapists have told me that is their view. In learning about N, I can see that his behaviors during our 12 year marriage are spot on, as is my experience as the wife.
By 2008, I was a shell of my old self. Sad, hopeless and frantic to minimize conflict in our home for me and our child. Basically, I was a drone working hard in the home, at work, and to keep him amicable.
In 2009, I crossed paths with an old friend and eventually confided in him. This turned into an emotional affair and a brief physical affair. The relationship gave me strength and perspective, not to mention happiness.
I am not sure when my NH discovered the affair, but when i told him I no longer wanted to be married, he confronted me with it. We've been in counseling for about five months and are now divorcing. I know this is for the best...but here is what is eating at me:
I've been honest with the therapists and my NH about the emotional affair. I've disclosed that intimate feelings/ideas were exchanged...but not about the physical affair. I feel guilty about lying. The therapists have been so supportive, even in light of the emotional affair...it was such a relief to have them tell me I am not crazy and and that it is ok to divorce him.
We are just about to file our papers and my NH is being loving and compliant (which is weird to me after the months of venom concerning the affair). His position is that we are divorcing because I cheated...he says he has "evidence" that I've lied about the physical affair. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't--regardless, I know I have lied.
I'm full of doubt...would my therapists be as supportive if they knew the full story? Are our problems really just about my actions and not based on his N behavior in the years prior to the affair?
Thanks for any input.